The Secret to Motivating Others

Have you ever stopped to consider what truly drives human behavior? There’s a singular, profound truth that underlies all our interactions: the only way to get someone to do anything is by making them want to do it. It sounds simple, but the implications are vast and transformative. Let’s delve into why this is the case and how understanding it can change your life.

Think about it. You could force someone to hand over their watch by threatening them with a weapon. You might compel your employees to cooperate through fear of losing their jobs. You can make a child obey through threats or punishment. But these methods are crude, often backfire, and certainly don’t foster genuine willingness or positive relationships.

True motivation comes from within, and the only way to inspire action is by tapping into what the other person genuinely wants. So, what do people want? According to Sigmund Freud, every action we take stems from two primary motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. John Dewey, a profound philosopher, put it slightly differently, stating that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important.”

This “desire to be important” is a powerful, almost primal need. It’s as significant as our need for food or sleep. Yet, it often goes unfulfilled. Most of our basic desires—health, food, sleep, money, the well-being of our children, sexual gratification, and even the hope for an afterlife—are typically met in some way. But the deep, insistent craving to feel important, to be appreciated, is seldom satisfied.

Abraham Lincoln once wrote, “Everybody likes a compliment.” William James, a renowned psychologist, emphasized this further, stating, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” Notice he didn’t say the “wish” or “desire” to be appreciated. He called it a “craving,” highlighting its intensity and importance.

This unrelenting hunger for appreciation is a fundamental aspect of human nature. Those rare individuals who genuinely satisfy this need hold a unique power. They build strong, lasting relationships, and inspire loyalty and admiration. Their ability to make others feel important is a key trait of great leaders and beloved friends.

So, how can you apply this insight to your life? Start by recognizing and valuing the people around you. Show sincere appreciation for their efforts and contributions. Compliment them genuinely. Make them feel seen and valued. When you do this, you unlock their potential, foster positive interactions, and build a foundation of mutual respect and motivation.

Remember, the desire for a feeling of importance distinguishes us from animals. It’s a core part of being human. By understanding and honoring this need, you can transform your relationships and your ability to motivate and inspire others. So, embrace the power of appreciation, and watch as it brings out the best in everyone around you.

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